For most of my life I have been a student.
But for the past 4 weeks I have become a teacher. As I “teach” I am seeking to understand what am I doing? What is Teaching? It has been interesting being a teacher after having been a student for so long. As I look back at my studenthood it is clear to me that I was a terrible student. But then why would a terrible student like me become a teacher?
One potential explanation would be: that since teachers are stupid and terrible students are stupid, then a terrible student would naturally be attracted to becoming a teacher, since they both require individuals who are stupid. Perhaps this is not altogether incorrect for I certainly feel stupid. And by stupid I simply mean ignorant. But I don’t recall very many teachers seeming stupid or ignorant in my experience. I always perceived them to be experts at what they were doing. And if there was any problem it was I, the student, who was at fault.
This judgment makes sense to me.
Although as a counselor I am aware that the relationship I have with my clients is part of what determines a positive outcome in therapy. I hypothesize that a similar relationship must exist between student and teacher. When I consider this and I look back at the teachers in my studenthood, who I felt made an impact on me, the ones who stand out are the ones who I felt safe with. It was because of this safety that I had the ability to be curious and thoughtful, like a snail coming out of its shell. Ok, so safety is important in the classroom. Not really a newsflash is it. So what was it about these teachers, who I felt safe with, that made them safe and inspired me to learn? And what is Teaching?
It’s storytime:
In my senior English literature class I had a teacher who once told us before Christmas some thoughts he had about his family. He pondered out loud about what would happen if he decided to only give one of his 4 kids a Christmas gift. The Christmas gift would be $100 dollars. Would that one kid divide it up evenly to all of their siblings?
I am not sure if I have the details correct as he told them to my class but the general story has stayed with me. I remember this pondering seemed like the first time I had ever considered looking at the world in this curious almost bizarre way. He let me in to his own subjectivity. And it seemed full of feelings and questions and possibilities. Nothing seemed familiar or certain in the way it had before. But what as this? Was this learning? Was this brainwashing?
What is teaching?
There is much that I could say of this individual and how strangely attracted I was to him and the world as he conceived it. But I wonder if I too in a similar way can let others into my subjectivity, and if that is the essence of teaching. It’s not about facts, ideas, or tests. The role of a teacher is to be open and honest about themselves and how they see the world. Such an honesty cannot always be pretty, sociable, or enlightened. But perhaps what defines the best teachers are those who, while certainly not perfect, are not only open but directed towards a kind of tenacious hope, that although ignorance is everywhere, the truth will not be overcome by it.
